You will know why one day.

(Food food food. All I ever think about is food. Why?)

I feel like eating the skin of crispy roast duck :/ Again. (Just ate it for lunch)
Actually I'm really pretty full but I guess I'm just being greedy. Not that I'll actually get to eat it but whatever. Ugh foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood COME TO MAMA! O__O

These few days have been ... a weird lot. I mean, nothing out of the blue happened but ....... okay kill that sentence. Out of the blue stuff has obviously been happening quite a fair bit. And it's driving me a teenyweeny bit crazy and a little, uhm, insecure. Yet not really. You know, the worst thing is not even knowing how you feel. Because when you are unsure of your own feelings no one else can tell you what to do, or even give you advice at all. You can't help yourself too. So basically I'm just trying hard to figure everything out, and hopefully after my Taiwan trip (tomorrow yay!) I'll....know what to do. Yes, I think so.

Hell no I don't think so. I don't think I'm ever going to figure anything out. I'm just a confused little person who is forever completely lost in her own imaginations and sometimes others' expectations. Just that it's kinda hard to .... know. Hell, understanding has never been something easy, even if it's understanding yourself. Because as you all already know if there's someone I don't understand it's myself. For certain issues, anyway.

I wna lock my blog again. It feels good to use it as a diary, a getaway from life and other confusions. It's an escape from problems. This time, though, I'm not gna allow access to anyone. Anyone at all. Penelope don't try guessing my password. NO USE ONE. 8P

Okay that's it. Bought new stuff today, shoez for next year and bag, also for next year. Saw housefly sunglasses again but noooo, I've promised myself to resist temptations, and you bet I've been keeping to it! +glows with pride+ & You know what, they had white frame and black frames with crystals! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Kbye, back again next Thursday (night). Friday going out so expect me to be here again....on Saturday. Or Sunday. Till then.

To sing a song without a care in the world.

(You might want to ignore this chunk in grey. Beware of vulgarities. Not for the faint-hearted.)

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You will never know how much I loved you, even if you say you do. I'm not disappointed; I've learnt to overcome it after so long. I just thought better of you for that moment, and I thought maybe it's time you earned another chance. Evidently it still isn't time. Probably will never be, either.

Trust is something that takes years to build, but just a moment of folly to destroy. You've destroyed yours; come back again in ten years time. I think I just have to try harder to ignore all of you. Every single asshole that makes this world so bloody difficult to live in.

Okay, so yes, I'm not perfect. I never said I was. But at the same time I never tried to "destroy me completely so that I would perish with my family", as you so tactfully put it. I have never been jealous of you because I couldn't have you. Come on, it's been like how many years already. Don't think I can't get by without you. In fact, I am getting by really well. I have a perfect life okay, and I have never regretted leaving you.

In my opinion you are simply emotionally unbalanced and mentally unstable. I don't want to have anything to do with you at all; all the memories we used to share, as one, is now divided, separated, and thoroughly being thrown away. I will never love you again. Actually, I hate you. I hate you for thinking so little of me, for thinking I'm just some helpless fool who cannot do without your "majestic" love. (If you even loved me at all. Which is something I'm suspecting right now.)

Maybe I was broken when things didn't work out for us. But that was all in the past. What, am I supposed to live in that past, stinking melancholy and preferably slip into depression? VERY FUNNY BUT PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF IF YOU'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

I wonder where my eyes have been when I fell in love with you one million years ago.

---

God, the past really does come back to haunt and pester you. And I'd foolishly thought it was all already a memoir of the past. Bull-shit.

Anyway I am trying not to be affected by certain....unfortunate happenings in my life. All I can do now is regard the matter with absolute shock and disgust and then quickly ignore it and move on. Yes, that is exactly what I'm going to do. I have wasted far too much time and energy on this particular person already. Enough is enough.

(This disgusting packet of M&Ms belong to Oh Huiting.)

Even though I don't get homework, I still have deadlines to rush and shows waiting to be filmed. But I guess that's all quite nice in the sense that if I didn't have all this stuff to be done, I'd prolly be rotting in some corner. At least now I still feel...uh, useful. Not really used to being so free though, since barely a month ago I was like a mad dog rushing for time everyday. It was such a tiring race that I couldn't wait to strip away from, yet now I'm kinda waiting for it to start again.

As if.

I just don't like being too free. But now I'm not! My life is perfectly balanced and I have time to pursue my hobbies and slack a bit and have fun working at the same time. Perfect.

So today's my "free day". Can't wait to start eating all the junk food ughhhhhhhhhh I can't stand not eating junk food!!!!!!! ):<

I'm still broken but I'm free.

(To Sonia from me with love.)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONIA! May men continue walking into walls while busily gawking at you :D & No you don't have to thank me for publicising this :D

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Frolick again courtesy of Sonia. It's uhm, a bit regretful that I was the only one who missed her party, what with me being overseas and all. So frolick was substitute haha. That and one full day of shopping and Raffles Hotel buffet, followed by drinks at Changi Airport. Was a long and tiring day, but nevertheless fun.

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Nothing much to do these few weeks, so I guess it's just time for me to rest & relax and slack my butt off before the hectic life begins all over again next year. The thought of it already depresses me sighz. But whatever. When it comes I'll somehow survive it. For now it's payback time for all the hard work I've been putting in this past year :D

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Ahhz lxp and the rest are still far far awaaaaaaay ): I finally reach Madrid and they're somewhere else. Great. How very welcoming -.- I also want go lor, never wait for me. HNGH!

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Lolz barbecue this Thursday yippaye hehehez. More captain's ball and poker cards.

Byebyeeeee.

Spinning, spinning.

Light-wash jeans, print bags, converse shoes, iPod nano, five-inch stilettos, hi-fi sets, disco, microwave noodles, pajamas, poker cards, MP3 lists, godiva chocolates, frozen yogurt, medicine, facial cleanser, maybelline mascara, lip ice, dry-clean mini skirt, hot red leggings, calculator, expensive books, antique collections, teddy bear plushies.

Coke, pizza, birthdays, celebrations, friends, excitement, horror, thriller.
Tree-climbing, forest adventure, mount everest, mount fuji, bukit timah hill.
Simmons bed, silk bedsheets, hi-fi set, marble floor, soft pillow, short bolster.
Sexy dress, knee-length skirt, court shoes, high-heels, cheap boots, leather boots, disco boots.

Bitches, bastards, sweethearts, darlings.

All spinning.

The only men I need in my life are Ben and Jerry.

Was stuck with Felicia yesterday at Frolick!!!! (of course) and also some shops in Tampines One before watching My Sister's Keeper and getting reduced to tears. But of course, that's a whole different story. Took a few more pix but gortak Fel doesn't want the "public" to see her chio face hahaha. But seriously speaking, I don't think my blog has many "public" viewers already. Because 该甩的我都已经甩了:D

Before that went Paragon for lunch. Supposed to go with Sir Rene (heeeheeeeheeeeeHAHAHAHAHA) but she fly my plane. So I told her to go fly kite lah and called my sis instead (who foot the shit xpensive bill!! Thanks ah.) It was quite good, I suppose. I mean, obviously lah, all places introduced by Anna is very Boomz one. I still prefer Amber though. Need to try White Rabbit too. But all the places she introduce very expensive x674638513165033654 one leh...She rich mah, millionaire. I peanutaire ah.

At night went to get MC followed by cold pearly beancurd, then went home watch tv, fixed up my new hi-fi and slept. MY NEW HI-FI!!!!! My new hi-fi is plain awesome. The beats are like so strong and hard and can make your whole room shake. Exactly the kind I've always yearned for, but only had money to afford one set to put in the DiscoRoom. Now I've got one in my room! It looks super stylo haha. Costed me 7000 million though. Hee Hee HEE now look at me in different light! :D

So to sum up, yesterday was great. So was my whole weekend. Celebrated Charlene's birthday on Sat & Sun (cuz she so bhb want to have two days of birthday haha). Had durian cake and pizza and kfc. Which is why I'm having a sore throat right now. That, plus blueberry cheese cake and Girl Guide cookies (as usual, everytime I eat confirm got sore throat one) and Toblerone and more chockz and not drinking enough water and everything. Serves me right, except according to the doctor it was caused by bacteria. Okay fine. Bacteria on top of everything else.

Okay I don't wna use comp too long otherwise later all my classmates get dismissed, reach home, and see me on Facebook. I don't know about you, but I personally feel that that isn't really the way I'd like to be remembered after I leave for TJ. A fake-MC-ponner. Even if I am sometimes.

kbye and felicia, we must go out again soon to check out the OMEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Make sure you make sure I don't buy it though.

Things I want to do.

I want Playfish cash. I want to walk in the storm. I want to play on slides & swings. I want to do things I haven't done in a million years. I want to patch things up with you. I want to pretend all this never happened. I want to eat mango and glazed donuts everyday until the thought of donuts make me sick. I want to do nothing but play with my cats all day. I want to have selective memory. Most of all I want to feel how it's like to be young again.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would.

There are just so many things I'd like you to understand...

(I'm still sorry.)

& I really don't like the silence that now falls between us everytime we are alone.

I don't want to get used to it either.

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Wow, so I have Facebook Addiction Disorder. What next, Blogger Addiction Disorder? -_____-

I don't care. I have too many addictions already.

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Today somebody told me hell is a nasty place to be in. I told her I had a good idea. And I do.

Just hope everything'll tide over soon, just like all other times. Eventually, anyway. But this time's ...... somehow a little different. And I think I do know in what way it is different.