Watch the trees sway in the wind

Today, I had a sleepover with my friends. They like to drink and I don't because we're underaged. I bought sparkling apple cider that looked a lot like champagne and gave it to my friends. They acted so drunk. What idiots. MLIA

Which goes to proove that everyone pretends at some point of time.

Okay I am a bad, BAD person. I have been neglectful, forgetful and self-centred. I have forgotten two very important birthdays. To think they celebrated my birthday with me the last time. And I forgot theirs. Ugh.

Anyway, congratulations Fish on your marriage :D I wish you an eternity of bliss and happiness and may you have an honest and wonderful relationship with your other half. You go and enjoy married life, while spinsters like us remain unwanted in the battlefields of love. You go.

-.-

Actually I am the one who said I am never going to get married. Not that no one wants to marry me. Hah.

The harsh winter is getting harsher. Thank goodness I had the foresight to buy woollen sweaters and the whatever you call it thing that is so bloody uncomfortable but essential if you don't want to freeze to death. I love my purple winter jacket like crazy and hence have been finding all kinds of excuses to go out just so that I can put it on. Haha. It's like the best part of winter. Besides the snow. Real pity that I haven't been snowfighting/building snowmans. Sometimes I find that my life is such a failure. When there is snow I am busy. When I am free and bored there is no snow. Haix.

Renci Charity show coming soon, so everyone's mostly busy practicing. Nobody ain't got no time to do nothing with me! )':

Haix byebye.

To Serene With uhm, ANGER

Hi Serene. +waves+

I know you will DEFINITELY be reading this and have been checking my blog for updates mainly because I am unable to check YOUR blog for updates anymore. You know something, I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, I should have believed you.

Please let me in again.

Thanks. See you soon.

P/S In the event that you should decide against letting me in, your new LongChamp bag shall never return.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes you are blackmailed. Have a nice day!

P/P/S Didn't expect this did you?
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

P/P/P/S Darius is in my class. I will remember not to eat roti prata with him. Period.

To return

Ping Hui told me to make ten impossible wishes and post it here cuz...cuz well, he did that too. So here goes.

Charlotte's 2010 Wishlist. To uhm, my Fairy Godmother:

#1 - To have a bank account that churns out money automatically so that I have endless amount of money to spend as and when I please (which is everyday).

#2 - Design a series of bags /shoes /bag charms for Gucci /Louis Vuitton /Miu Miu /Jimmy Choo /all of the above.

#3 - Am instantly crazy famous due to the popularity of my designs for the branded brands (see wish #2)

#4 - Am now treated like royalty everytime I step foot into any of the branded stores in the world cuz now all of them are poaching me to design stuff for them (hee hee hee)

#5 - To stop being afraid of all insects and lizards and all the disgusting creatures I am now extremely frightened of.

#6 - To be able to cook as well as I bake. Or even better. I'm flexible. :D (This is not a wastage of impossible wishes due to the fact that I am mortally afraid of fire, hence am unable to fry a damn sunny-side-up)

#7 - To look glamorous (always) and even prettier (we all know it's human nature to be greedy).

#8 - To be as successful as Wenfang in showbiz and have my albums sell fast globally. (And then I can finally quit my office job but actually, if my first wish comes true I can do that already.)

#9 - To live blissfully and happily (ever after) with ______.

#10 - Oh shit this is my last wish!!! Okay I know. World peace, no more war and starvation, for the less fortunate to be a lot more fortunate and break out of the viscious cycle of poverty, all natural disasters to end forever, the earth reverting back to the way it was before global warming, and for everyone (including me) to be happy and healthy and uhm, less evil. May office politics crash and burn even though it no longer concerns me (as of wish #8).

The end! & I realised ten wishes aren't enough for me (you can find proof in the last wish which is terribly long and can actually be further divided into five wishes at least). This is bad. Greed is one of the most abhorrent sins. Actually who cares.

Oh wait. I normally would use my last wish to wish for another ten wishes. So it should all fit in. Haha I am awesome.

Because none of my wishes are going to actually come true, I am going to continue slogging away now to make my mark in showbiz. Goodbye.

The last of 2009 (two thousand days late)

OHMYGOD! I nearly forgot I have a blog!!! Really. I haven't touched the comp for something that feels like eternity cuz all my life I have never left the comp alone for more than uhm, two weeks? NOT addict cuz I need it to do work and all sorts of other things.

-

I am so tyreeeeeed. I cannot keep up with anything anymore except my work sobz. It's been a long time since I've gone shopping. (Which explains the constant lack of energy in me.)

-

Anyway, although I am five days late (okay just five days, not two thousand), Happy New Year! :D May you stick to your New Year Resolutions! (Because "may your wishes come true" is so cliched.) I don't even bother with resolutions anymore cuz from personal experience, I never stick to it. In fact, I don't even remember what my resolutions were at the end of the year. -.-

-

2009 I loved, lost, fought, cried, laughed, missed someone from 2008, crushed on so many guys, made the first move, had my heart broken, gained friends, lost friends, found my inner sushi monster, mixed my own cocktails, became friendz with Madrid Hospital, tried to kill myself, decided to love life...
-

But my greatest achievement of the year for once is not getting promoted or getting the biggest bonus. Instead it is finding true love and friends whom I know I can really trust and talk to.

-

Previously I have been living in my own shell, cut-off from the rest of the world and just working, striving for higher positions in the protection of my shell. Never got out of it, never let anyone in. It was just me and me alone. A long time ago there was someone else in here, but for the past ten years I have been alone. So painfully, frightfully alone, that it is a miracle I have pulled through.

-

I will never forget those nights when I laid alone in my room, wondering why all of this happened to me. Why me, out of all the other people on earth. I will never forget those unexpected betrayals, or the way human nature pushed me to the near-edge of death. I will not forget the ugly side of 2009, and the pretty side of it.

-

Love.

-

It has the ability to tear hearts, and to mend them. It has so much power that sometimes people steal it away from love. They steal it away to misuse it, to break hearts, to crush people further. They steal it to make others feel as sorrowful as them, to push them to rock bottom. They steal it to force the innocent ones down the bottomless pit. They steal it to make sure they are not the only ones left on this world who are sad, who don't know what to do.

-

Love is.

-

Love is never enough for anyone. Who can say they have enough love, and that they need no more? Who will stop loving someone beloved because it is enough? Love can be so true, so clear. Or love can be sour.

-

Love, is the pretty side of 2009. Love brought me new friends, and a relationship so beautiful it blinds. Love has let me taste the beauty, love has let me cross the barrier in my heart. Love has opened my heart once more, love gave me the courage to love again.

-

Like how I know I can never live like I have completely gotten over my granny, but I think love can make the pain more faint. It can blur the hurt and sadness, and bring me to other unexplored horizons. This is what I will always love about love.

-

2009 has been fulfilling and really busy. There is just one wish I have for 2010, and I hope whoever it may be will grant it for me.

-

&&& On the last random note of 2009,
-

I WANT TO GET MARRIED.

Ok just kidding. Sorry to disappoint.

Breathless from chase

Things that I have screwed up so far:

1. Dave
2. Dave
3. Dave

If I weren't me I would have said "serves you right" to myself for getting into such a big mess. I'm a little bit entangled and trapped right now thanks to my love for material goods like Gucci. Oh God now I'm the nasty heartbreaker.

Sighz sorry Dave, for not reading the writings on the walls.

May the best man win

Christmas + Boxing Day is over. ):
-

SS just

SHIT THERE'S A STUPID FLY FLYING AROUND ME BUZZZZZZZ HELP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO D

Okay it's gone

AH NO IT'S BACK THIS IS NO JOKE I AM SCARED OF IT

I think the darn fly is a 间谍 that SS sent all the way here to spy on me. Cuz I just called her SS and the fly immediately started harrassing me. Oh God I am such a pathetic, break-into-cold-sweat-when-an-insect-is-within-one-hundred-metres-of-me loser. Charlotte, it's just. a. fly.

Actually I'm not really scared of this fly lah haha. Cuz I'm armed with a magazine to swat it away. Plus it uhm, does not look like it goes for human flesh even though one look at its feelers and I still feel a sudden chill up my spine.

-

Okay anyway. Back to topic. Uh...oh yes. SS just called me to scream into my ear for "suscribing to so many cable channels" which is clearly an act I am completely innocent of. I am so mad. Why am I the first person who comes to mind everytime something is not right? Am I such a jerk? (Rheotical question ah, please don't reply "yes" or else 我死给你看!) I have not even been in Singapore for ages. So please lah, kindly engage these things in your head known as brains first before wrongly accusing your poor victim here.

Then the Sis can think of something as stupid as "but you can still call the number from wherever you are to suscribe what" to rebutt me. Again, straight back to you, why would I want to do that if I am not even in Singapore to watch the show? It suddenly occurs to me that the reason she is not thinking before she speaks is because she has NO BRAINS TO START WITH.

Anyway we argued and argued and we both slammed down the phone at the same time. At least I did. I have no idea what happened on the other end. Seriously. There has nothing but trouble between us for the past two months and I don't care to iron it out anymore. To think my dear Sis that was once so beloved could do this to me. And I'm not even just harping on this incident and the past one where she (generously) lent my poor LV bag to another human I do not even know on a somewhat-personal level. That is just so mean. I know, you must think I'm petty. But this is basic courtesy hor. To ask before taking.

Damn it and now my bloody harvest has to rot underneath my tree. I can't even make it in Country Story. #!&^%$#*&?%$

(This is twenty minutes later.)

Okay I have cooled it. Let's talk about something else. Something...happier. Like...OH YEAH. Wenfang received this totally chocolatey hamper filled with Cadbury goodies from I-forgot-who but what does it matter cuz all I care about is the contents of the hamper. Pluz she gave it all to me -TO ME!!!!- cuz she "越来越肥了，再胖下去就要变成猪了". So as I excitedly ripped open the wrapper like an excited five-year-old who just received a Christmas present she was all "天啊我要马上跳绳了!!". She doesn't believe me when I say she is not fat, very skinny already.

As I sat outside eating a turkish delight I felt a teeny bit guilty. Cuz I could picture her jumping the rope in the room. But whatever lah, everybody knows Charlotte doesn't move apart from going shopping and walking to the dining room.

These few days have been quite normal. Average things going on everyday like filming, photoshoots and singing. Very light workload though, cuz I'll be going back to Singapore soon already. Which is good, although I feel a little out of place and uhm, unimportant? And replacable. That is one feeling I hate most besides having a torn heart.

Oh well, when next year starts and the merger takes on full force I am gna kill myself for once having despised being "free". That reminds me, that small stick of Elomet costed me like forty bux. I can see Joycelyn laughing in my head.

Time to have a nice, warm bath with bubble soap and fresh flowers and a nice, fragrant candle burning next to me. On a more practical and more-likely-to-happen note, I will just be showering from a showerhead that has a wondrous jet. Iluvbaths. Bye.

Because one look into your eyes and I'd understand

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ahead!!
-

It suddenly occurs to me that my life is damn happening. Like there's really many things happening each day, even if the events may not always be very exciting.

This year will be the first year after I have started working that I do not attend a single Christmas party or New Year party. Come to think of it it's so insane I want to laugh. I remember last year I was shuffling from one party to another like a mad woman with too much makeup on for my own good. Some of the parties can be really fun and entertaining actually, and I must admit that I do miss them to a certain extent. Last year I was whining about how I'd very much prefer some time to myself rather than attending all those parties, but I guess at that time I was just very tired of having to dress up and pretending to be someone I am not. Now that I look back I do think I am somewhat of a party girl after all and I cannot do without clubbing and parties.

I wonder if every year from now on will be like that. Truthfully speaking I don't really feel like embracing this new kind of life. At times I just sit down and think about the many big phases and changes in my life and I realise how "inconsistent" my life has been. More than I'd like it to, there are just so many continuous changes in my life every year and all that stuff. I need high adaptation skills, but do I have what it takes?

There are so many things that I can ponder about and just stare at the sky in dismay, trying to find answers I've been searching a lifetime for. Sometimes I find it right next to me, other times in some hidden place. But most times, I don't find them at all. That is what builds insecurity in me, which will turn into fear and worry when it eventually overflows.

Nobody is here to listen to me babble on and on so Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year to you!!!